TIPS: Online Dating

I met my husband over 5 years ago after spending the previous 2 years online dating. He is pretty awesome and I learnt a lot about finding love on the internet over the 24 months I spent writing messages, talking on the phone and meeting for coffee

1. Be Active (but not too active)

There is a balance that you need to understand while you embark on your online dating journey. You want to be available but not too available, and this is much like 'real life'. If you are seen to be online all the time it can make you appear desperate and not a particularly social character, however if it takes you a week to reply they may lose interest and you might lose a potential love interest. I found that going on once a day was acceptable. I was able to respond to a message (or hundreds of messages) and also be able to have a quick browse if I wanted too. If you are using sites like Plenty of Fish and Match.com remember that it is unlikely you will see lots of new faces every day so I did a little search once every couple of weeks to see if there was any new talent - you don't want to miss a lovely new addition to the site

2. Photos

These were my profile photos for the first year of online dating. An out of focus face shot and a black and white photo. Both not particularly reflective of what I actually look like, and could have been possible myspace profile photos from my emo days 

I was 'that' person and by 'that' person I mean that one who uses a head shot not a body shot. Even worse it was a year old! I learnt from this quite quickly and is something I don't recommend. You are looking to meet someone who likes you and not what he/she thinks you might be. Don't be ashamed of who you ... ever!

In December 6 years ago I met lovely #guy5 who after many phone conversations decided to head over 40 miles to come and see me. I was incredibly excited at this potential boyfriend and put on my best outfit (the one that is an effort but looks casual and takes you over 3 hours to decide on). We met at a park and ride before heading in to town and his face said it all. I am a size 14 curvy girl and I think he was expecting someone a little smaller. He was polite but when he uttered the words "you look different to your pictures" I knew it was all over. After several attempts to make contact it was clear he wasn't interested so I decided to send him one last text to ensure he remembered me for my witt and not my looks. 

I never did call Orange and he never replied

3.Be You

I was always honest on what I wrote on my profile. I was keen to portray I was ambitious, loved music and was particularly romantic. I wasn't so lucky with others being honest. You aren't over 5ft and you certainly aren't under 30 - so why pretend you are? If you are looking to find someone to share your life with then don't start it out with a lie. Include things you love, and sometimes things you don't. You want someone that can share with things you so never be ashamed of your own personal interests - no matter what they are!

4. Be Open - Minded

I started online dating because I wanted to move to London and with that in mind my intention was to meet someone around the city. I decided I wanted someone in marketing because that was my area of expertise, and who loved similar music to me. After several dates with some wonderful people - I realised this wasn't actually working out for me. I then changed my selection process - as falling in love isn't dependant on location and within a week I had met my husband and I now live 20 minutes from where I was

5. Listen

Whether it is on the phone, or on the date itself, it is important to listen to them. This doesn't mean allow for awkward silences, but it does mean take the time to get to know them. You know all about yourself already so find out what you can about them. Take an interest because otherwise the second date might catch you out

6. After the First Date

I knew as soon as I met #guy10 I wanted to marry him. However remember not to put all your eggs in one basket and judge the situation your own way. I didn't go back on Plenty of Fish ever again after that day as I didn't want too but if you aren't sure then reply to that message you just got. No one expects you to cancel your subscription after a first date

7. Location

A first date is important and it is often dependant on you as individuals. It needs to fit in with your schedule and be some where you both feel comfortable. I never did evenings in bars, as it was always too noisy and I wouldn't have felt comfortable all dressed up. I would definitely have had one glass of wine be sobbing in the corner at how my size 12 dress doesn't do up any more while he looked for ways to leave early. I was a great believer in coffee shops and that was where I headed. I normally always suggested half way, however this was often altered to them coming towards where I was which I always thought was a really lovely gesture. Coffee and cake was a lot more casual and would always allow for the option to "leave before the school and work traffic" 

I met #guy10 in a Starbucks service station, and apparently I "talked, and talked, and talked". This guy is now my husband and he is so awesome that he pretty much pretended to drink a hot chocolate for 2 hours - as he doesn't do hot drinks. We ended the evening sat in my car listening to Blink 182. Perfect

8. Don't Give Up

You have spoken to them on the phone and you have met them and you think they are great but they aren't keen. If you take anything from this it is to NOT GIVE UP! I hated the rejection and often felt really upset that something was wrong with me, or I was never going to meet anyone. Everyone gets that feeling! I took it personally and as much as I tried to be positive I felt so disheartened at some points

After a lovely day in London with #guy3 took me to a lovely little Chinese family run restaurant he knew in Leicester Square. After my main course I started to feel poorly so made my way to a small toilet and I definitely occupied it for more than 10 minutes. After returning to the table I explained to #guy3 that I was feeling really unwell and needed to stand outside. He proceeded to settle up the bill, ask for a carrier bag, and met me outside where my illness filled the plastic bag he handed me. Embarrassed and pale I suggested that I didn't think I could get the train home and I would need to find a hotel. He seemed awkward and obviously felt responsibility for the situation so offered we get a cab to his and I could sleep in his bed for the night. This is something I normally would object to but seen as I thought I might die that evening I thought it best to do it with someone there to be able to notify my nearest and dearest. A traumatic taxi ride followed with a few pit stops on the way and then we made our way to his house, which was fantastically shared by 5 other house mates who proceeded to rub my back and run to the shops to buy me diarrhoea tablets. If I didn't look so white I definitely would have been completely red faced by now. That night I slept in my pants on a large towel sweating and hugging a washing up bowl, while he looked mortified. The next morning he suggested we walk to the cash machine so I could draw out the money for half the meal, the taxi fare and the tablets his house mate had bought him before he directed me to the nearest tube station.

He never asked to see me again

Remember though - you are there to meet people and enjoy the dates as much as you can. If it takes you a week before you want to jump on the dating bandwagon again .. or even a month ... then it is your prerogative and there are no rules

What have been your experience online? Good or bad I would love to hear more